Current:Home > MyTikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree. -WealthSync Hub
TikTokers swear the bird test can reveal if a relationship will last. Psychologists agree.
View
Date:2025-04-13 09:51:27
TikTokers say they've discovered the secret to predicting whether a couple will last or eventually breakup − and psychologists say they're actually onto something.
It's called the bird test, and it's the subject of research conducted by psychologist John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, an organization dedicated to investigating the psychology of relationships. Videos tagged #birdtest have accumulated more than 16 million views with users testing the theory on their significant others.
The test involves getting excited about something insignificant and seeing how your partner reacts. For instance, if you look out the window and exclaim, "Wow, that's a beautiful bird," does your partner look to see what you're interested in or do they ignore it and go about their business? Or worse: Do they lash out and dismiss your enthusiasm entirely?
Repeated reactions that involve ignoring or flat-out rejecting your attempts to connect, even over something small like a bird, doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship, the bird test posits.
Gary Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there's a lot of truth to it.
"The beauty of the bird test is, basically ... it's a bid to ask whoever you're with to turn towards you and engage with you and show interest in something that you're interested in, versus what (Gottman) calls turning away," he says.
Is the bird test reliable?
The purpose of the bird test is to see how often your partner picks up on bids you offer them in your relationship. Brown describes a bid as "a request to engage and to connect with the other, no matter what the topic is," such as an invitation to look at a bird.
In his research, Gottman found couples who stayed together and reported feeling happy in their relationships turned toward each other about 86% of the time when presented a bid from their partner. Couples who broke up or felt unhappy in their relationships turned toward each other only about 33% of the time, according to The Gottman Institute's website.
David and Victoria Beckhamand how to (maybe) tell if your partner is in love with you
Bids may seem small, but they happen frequently, so it's important not to ignore them.
"Throughout the day, we're often making these bids right?" licensed psychotherapist Marni Feuerman says. "It's not unusual to say, 'Hey, do you want to have dinner now? Do you want to go on a walk? Oh, look at this cool Netflix show.' How is your partner responding and reacting?"
Several TikTokers have put their partners to the bird test, including former "Bachelorette" star Michelle Young, who practically jumped for joy when her significant other stopped to look out the window when she said she saw a cardinal. Gottman himself has endorsed the trend on TikTok as well.
What if the bird test goes wrong?
Don't panic if your partner fails a bird test.
Brown says that, if you're going to employ the bird test, make sure it's not during a time when your partner is occupied.
"If you're in a relationship and you are wanting to look at a bird, but it's the seventh game of the World Series for your partner, and your partner may say, 'I can't turn towards you now,' ... that doesn't mean that the relationship is doomed," Brown says.
Also, it's more important to see how your partner responds to you over time, so don't write them off if they fail a single bird test.
"Make those bids a few times over the course of a couple days," Feuerman says. "Look for the pattern. So, if consistently the partner ignores, doesn't respond, the bid isn't tuned into, then yes, I would say someone could reasonably discern 'I might have an issue here' or there might be a problem."
And if there is an issue, talk it out − and keep in mind no one is going to pass the bird test every time.
"People are going to miss bids on occasion, and so it's not about people getting worried or panicked that they're missing some, because you will. We all will," Feuerman says. "We're human."
veryGood! (5932)
Related
- Opinion: Gianni Infantino, FIFA sell souls and 2034 World Cup for Saudi Arabia's billions
- Selling Sunset's Chelsea Lazkani Breaks Down in Tears Over Split in Season 8 Trailer
- RHONY's Pigeon-Themed Season 15 Trailer Will Have Bravo Fans Squawking
- Older Americans prepare themselves for a world altered by artificial intelligence
- Costco membership growth 'robust,' even amid fee increase: What to know about earnings release
- Young Thug racketeering and gang trial resumes with new judge presiding
- Detroit Lions RB Jahmyr Gibbs leaves practice with hamstring injury
- Charli XCX and The 1975's George Daniel Pack on the PDA During Rare Outing
- Sam Taylor
- RHONY's Pigeon-Themed Season 15 Trailer Will Have Bravo Fans Squawking
Ranking
- Why Sean "Diddy" Combs Is Being Given a Laptop in Jail Amid Witness Intimidation Fears
- Ford, Mazda warn owners to stop driving older vehicles with dangerous Takata air bag inflators
- Former Cornell student gets 21 months in prison for posting violent threats to Jewish students
- Kylie Jenner Responds to Accusations She Used Weight Loss Drugs After Her Pregnancies
- From family road trips to travel woes: Americans are navigating skyrocketing holiday costs
- Timelapse video shows northern lights glittering from the top of New Hampshire mountain
- Hoda Kotb Shares Outlook on Her Dating Life Moving Forward
- Body of missing woman recovered at Grand Canyon marks 3rd park death in 1 week
Recommendation
2025 'Doomsday Clock': This is how close we are to self
Plan approved by North Carolina panel to meet prisoner reentry goals
Paris put on magnificent Olympic Games that will be hard to top
Powerball winning numbers for August 12 drawing: Lucky player wins in Pennsylvania
Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's daily crossword puzzle, Triathlon
Jordan Chiles medal inquiry: USA Gymnastics says arbitration panel won’t reconsider decision
Drone video captures aftermath of home explosion that left 2 dead in Bel Air, Maryland
Chicago-area school worker who stole chicken wings during pandemic gets 9 years: Reports